Is there a Santa Claus? - a physicist view

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#1

Consider the following:

  1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

  2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.

  3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

  1. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that ‘flying reindeer’ (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.

We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

  1. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.

Merry Christmas.

(NOTE: This appeared in the SPY Magazine (January, 1990) )

#2

Just out of curiousity… how did they know that there are only 300,000 organisms left to be classified? Considering there might be undiscoverd organisms, this claim seems odd.

By the way. Love the Santa is dead… so Nietzschean.

#3

Not sure. Although there are equations to make gestimates, based on how many organism could possibly exist in a single square area.

It also depends on how strict a definition of organism and classification we want to use. Germs are organisms, and hundreds of them are born and extinct with each passing year. Does that factor extinct creatures? 300,000 does seem like a low number though. Last I read a National Geographic that talked about it, the number was somewhere in the 50 million range, including extinct species, but not counting germs and viruses. They’d mostly be expected to be insects though. The sole reason why arthropods don’t rule the planet, is because they devour each other. Otherwise we chordates would have long been dead.

#4

Ah.

Anyway… just though of something: we should be thankful Santa is dead and not some rampaging homicidal robot.

MERRY CHRISTMAS (well, its over that line for me at least… if you are on the west coast, I’m so, so sorry. You have to wait :twisted: )

#5

Thanks for the fun read. I remember when I was a child, I got in trouble for arguing about the existence of Santa Claus. I recall being told that even if I was telling the truth, I shouldn’t tell other kids because I would dash their dreams or some such. While I agreed to keep my mouth shut, I’ve always thought it would be better if kids knew that their parents were making sacrifices for their happiness in many cases. On to another line of thought, it is interesting to compare the image of Santa Claus with his basis in history. While Santa Claus is depicted as a large, rotund man with pale skin, the real Saint Nicholas was only 5 feet tall (short, even for the time in which he lived), and given his Greek heritage most likely had darker skin. In addition, a study of his bones indicates that he had a crooked nose due to it being broken. (You can see the digital forensic reconstruction of his features here.) Given his fiery disposition at the First Council of Nicaea (read the story here), I’d say it is no surprise he broke his nose during his life. :stuck_out_tongue:

#6

I’m surprised that no one has brought up that Santa is a lolicon. :stuck_out_tongue:

#7

A lolicon? Because he’s in the child care industry? I’m sure all the day care workers around the country will be glad to hear that. Or how about pediatricians? They have to look at little kids with their clothes off. Sheesh … :slight_smile:

No, the general consensus is that Santa’s a spook. I mean, he knows if you’ve been bad or good. Lots of people would pay good money to know who’s been naughty. And his whole operation has to cost a fortune, after all. Plus, if he contracts out to the CIA, they can help cover up those annoying satellite photos of the North Pole.

#8

Who is not ?

Concerning Santa, I guess he can freeze time (just like Hiro in Heroes).
But of course, he doesn’t really master this gift, that’s why sometimes time flows again for a few seconds. During those few seconds people can witness his existence.

#9

It’s because there’s profound evidence…

Very profound.

However said information sources also indicate Santa fucked up and formed a relationship with a yandere. We know how those always end.

[attachment=0]yandere.jpg[/attachment]

#10

Aren’t you contradicting yourself by saying that we always know how a relationship with a yandere always ends? After all, you did say this:

#11

Well true, but girls like Yuno are special case. It may still turn out pretty violent as well: the series ain’t over yet, and Yuki has a chance to royally screw up in the next issue or two – there’s that Akise guy.

Seeing how Santa deals with millions upon millions of children, he probably has hundreds upon hundreds of yandere. Therefore while 1 or 2 might let him live, the rest would have him dead at the fireplace. Because Santa just can’t have one kid… he has to have them all. Also even if Santa had a yandere with him as a bodyguard, when facing another yandere, it’s the one with the home court advantage who holds the most chips. Thus Santa screws himself even more so. :o

#12

I guess you will never recognize the girl in “yandere kanojo” as a true yandere (she’s more like a tsundere for me).

#13

Had to look up that series, before I could respond. :oops:

Yea… she’s not a yandere: just a highly abusive tsundere. She lacks the key factor of unexpected intent to perform murderous or life crippling retalliation, due to possessive jealously or misinterpreted romance. A yandere generally shouldn’t hurt her intented lover, if he reciprocates her affection and avoids any situations that could be misinterpreted as infidelity.

#14

Where does this Santa fit into all this:

http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/vi … -santaslay

#15