I stumbled across a Javascript game called “Nanaca Crash” awhile back at gprime.net, the legendary goldmine of mass quantities of frivolous Javascript games (along with a huge collection of yuk-yuk viral videos and other gags.) It’s good, mindless, addictive fun for those down times at work when the TPS reports have driven you into full cranial-bullsh*t-overload and the boss isn’t around.
The URL is:
http://gprime.net/game.php/nanacacrash
The concept is simple and characteristically brutal:
1. A hot girl on a bicycle smashes into an unsuspecting guy (you control the “launch” angle and force of impact,) who then soars in a pathetic, disheveled roadkill-like ball along a hedgerow in a parabolic trajectory;
2. He either hits the ground and bounces back into the air or smashes into other people evenly spaced along his path;
3. If he hits someone, he either gets a similarly-brutal karate kick/punch which boosts his velocity, or gets slowed down, “angled up,” or hits a girl who then runs ahead and blocks him (once) when he next hits a “boost” girl;
4. The object is to make him fly / bounce / get karate smacked as many meters out from the initial impact as possible.
The instructions are in Japanese, so if any of you smartypants linguists here would care to take a stab at translation, please do so. I’ve figured out the game by trial-and-error, but it would be cool to have the actual details spelled out in definite form.
There are a few other controls and special conditions you can do during gameplay:
- There are two bent arrows, one red and one blue, with little crosses next to them. The red ones allow you to trigger another booster-crash (upward) from the bishoujo-bicyclist when the hapless victim is going downward in his trajectory, the blue ones trigger a downward crash when he’s going upward in trajectory (useful for targeting the booster-babes on the ground.)
- Occasionally the word “SPECIAL” in big red letters will appear after you hit one of the booster-babes. When this happens you must click immediately - like within a second or two - anywhere on the screen, which provokes an extended arse-kicking by two of the booster-babes, working as a team. This sends you flying at an advanced velocity, so this is a good thing(!)
- One of the girls on the ground is your girlfriend, and when you hit her you collapse into her arms and the game is over… unless the big red “SPECIAL” shows up and you click in time. In that case two of the other girls run up and block you from your lover’s arms, sending you straight up into the air; when you come back down your girlfriend gives you a huge punch that really sends you flying;
- Once in a great while there’s a weird thing where a “SPECIAL” will surround you with a bizarre force field thing that (I think,) causes you to slip past your girlfriend should you land on her, also sending you ahead at an advanced velocity.
So go bookmark it already!
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And now, for something completely similar:
Another somewhat more involved freebie game - this one you have to download - has a soundtrack that I swear had to have been written by the same team that did the music for “Tokimeki Check-In!” The game is called “Tumblebugs” and can be found via a Google search (it’s sunny and I’m getting lazy dammit.)
Does anyone know if there’s a connection there? The game is as different from TCI as it possiblly could be - a big beetle shooting rolled-up beetles at other bugs parading past him in ever-constricting paths,etc.
But there’s at least one tune that’s eerily reminiscent of that great Tokimeki soundtrack…
Ok, enough! Brevity! Sheesh!
(Never! Hahahaaa… )
