I thought this might be kind of fun… With the US presidential election getting so much press time and so many people unhappy with the two most likely choices, I thought it might be fun to do a little politicking of a different sort. Yukino Ohama (of My Girlfriend is the President fame) has been in office 8 years, so it’s time to elect a new president and vice-president as queens of our visual-novel-readin’ hearts. Here are your candidates:
Pink Democracy or Bust Party
Candidates: Sonico (SoniComi) / Mitsuki Takahara (Bazooka Cafe)
Party Platform: What this political party lacks in policy substance, it makes up in bubbly pink-haired personality. If you have some pressing, weighty issue you need to get off your chest, Sonic and Mitsuki can certainly relate to that sensation. But don’t fret! Trust the nation’s future to your bosom buddies. They may be clumsy, but everything seems to work out for them in the end.
The Scary Little Spitfire Party
Candidates: Kirara Kurokawa (Yumina the Ethereal) / Mariella (LittleWitch Romanesque)
Party Platform: So, they’re short-tempered tsunderes. So, they’re a little intimidating. So, they’re always 18 steps ahead of the competition with their devious machinations. It worked for Hillary, so you wanna make something of it?! The Spitfire Party heroines are the ultimate policy wonks. They’re bad at making friends and know it, but they’re also strong, ridiculously intelligent women who could probably run the country with their eyes closed and both hands tied behind their backs. Just elect them and welcome their wise rule already, you plebians.
Imoucialism
Candidates: Kana (Kana~Little Sister) / Hitomi (Hitomi My Stepsister) – Imouto Party
Party Platform: When the nation is clamoring for fresh faces and pure hearts to set this country right, who better to do the job than two adorable little sisters? Kana and Hitomi both have unimpeachable cuteness cred and hearts of gold, but it’s fair to say their campaign has been a rocky one. Rumors have been circulating that Kana may secretly be in poor health, and Hitomi is embroiled in a scandal over deleting 33,000 emails (believed to be nudie pics, mostly) addressed to an unknown foreign agent named “Onii-san.” Nonetheless, in the battle for America’s heartland, theirs are smiles you want to protect.
Lolicrats
Candidates: Nekoko (Yume Miru Kusuri) / Kokoro Katsura (Shiny Days)
Party Platform: If you think these two look a little young to run for president, you’re absolutely right wrong. (What are you talking about, onii-san? Of course they’re 18.) Anyway, they’re running on a platform of “Flat is Criminal Justice” reform, commuting jail sentences for those helplessly disconnected from the 3D world. They also want to patch up relations with China (and also patch Shiny Days… on the down-low, of course).
The Sex Education Party
Candidates: Cherry (Amorous Professor Cherry) / Ryoko (Nympho Sensei Ryoko)
Party Platform: Talk about a single-issue party! These lovely bespectacled MILFs… er, educators… are determined to see to it that America gets a good, solid sex education. What’s more, they’re rather brazen in their campaign outreach, and their rallies all tend to devolve (evolve?) into thousand-person orgies. They invite America to grab their voter registration card, then grab them by the p***y.
The Green (Fire) Party
Candidates: Saya (Song of Saya) / Al Azif (Deus Machina Demonbane)
Party Platform: Okay, you’re the guy or girl who has had the bumper sticker for “Meteor 2016” plastered on your car since February. This stupid election has convinced you that humanity is too stupid to live, and we should just end it all now. Well, you’re in luck! This Lovecraftian duo is running on the promise to feed all of humanity to the Elder Gods, but give humanity one last sweet kiss goodnight before we sink gibbering into the eldritch abyss. Vote your conscience, and end it all!
One vote per person, and you're voting for one political ticket. Whoever has the most votes by November 9th is the winner. Have fun!