Laws of the Hentaiverse

Visual Novel Community Visual Novel Talk
#1

List whatever “laws of physics” or “rules of the land” that come to mind when you think of the Hentaiverse¬ô as seen in bgames, hentai ova, doujin, etc.
Let’s see what kind of self contradicting list of stupid, cliche, genre defining stuff we can come up with. :stuck_out_tongue: Here’s a few to start us off…

#1: Tentacle Rape Beast hunting Magic Girls begin their career as virgins.

#2: No, does in fact, means yes.

#3: Same sex twins will always love the same person. Opposite sex twins want to screw their sibling.

#4: Kunoichi (female ninja’s) don’t do espionage. They fight sex beasts, interdimensional rapists, tentacle monsters, lusting hordes of hell…

#5: The global female to male population ratio is at least 5 to 1.

#6: National and international government organizations – like the police and/or military – are either useless or incompetent. Usually both.

#7: Intelligent alien life is out there… and they’re VERY horny.

#8: Students are always late on their first day school.

#9: Making romantic promises under a sakura tree is screwing with Fate.

#10: Common school supplies – like scissors and box cutters – can cleave through bones and decapitate.

#11: Breaking a girl’s hymen is like cutting a major artery.

#12: All school clinics are either lacking staff, staffed by a single hot nurse, or staffed by an undercover serial rapist.

#13: Pigs can impregnate humans.

#2

#14: In a karaoke scene, unless the girl’s singing is sarcastically terrible, you won’t get to hear it. There will be a fade out or the narrative will just skip it.
#15: If a girl is sick with something trivial at the start, by the end of the story she’ll be close to dying from it.
#16: A time loop story will break its own rules to provide a conclusion.
#17: The anime adaptation is either completely different, completely awful or both.

#3

#18: The sexier a woman is, and the closer she is to age 25, the more likely she will be single.

#19: Most husbands die when their wives reach about age 30, leaving a high number of sexually unsatisfied widows.

#20: Every other household with opposite sex siblings has incest between them.

#21: Scientology won, and there are no psychologists in the world.

#22: Perhaps due to the lack of psychologists – and high presence of incest – there is an incredible population ratio of mental disorders in the world. This includes, but not limited to: Schizoid Personality Disorder (Kuudere), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Tsundere), and Antisocial Personality Disorder (Yandere).

#23: If an adult male takes the train at night, he’s a rapist.

#24: Misogyny is a form of national government.

#25: When having sex, a woman will verbally describe everything that is happening to her and how she is emotionally feeling, with comprehensive and precise detail.

#26: Over 90% of brother and sister siblings are NOT blood related.

#4

Diagnosing the average tsundere with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a bit much. NPD is what guys like Paul Christoforo have.

#5

As does Asuka Langley Soryu, Rin Tohsaka , and “reverse tsundere” Haruhi Suzumiya.

You don’t have to exhibit all the symptoms of NPD to have it, nor exhibit them to full extremity. It is the “right” combination that defines it. I have heard the argument that Histrionic Personality Disorder (or a derivative) is better for tsundere diagnosis, but I’m of the opinion that NPD is closer.

Charles Manson had Antisocial Personality Disorder, but no one considers him a yandere… but Yuno Gasai was clearly APD (remember, the calm personality of a yandere is the lie; her psycho mode is the real persona). Same disorder, different manifestation. In the case of NPD, to express how much variation of it exists, Harvard Medical School has proposed that certain types of eating disorders are related to it.

#6

#27: 99.9% of ugly men are rapists.

#28: A hairdo that covers at least the upper half of your face is practically guaranteed to make you a chick magnet.

#29: Most shrines are staffed with hot mikos.

#30: Churches are usually staffed with one super hot nun.

#31: Said nun is either ignorant of or very quick to break any vows of chastity.

#32: Keep a very close eye on any male friends/relatives you have if you and your girlfriend/wife are in a long distance relationship.

#33: Hypnosis actually works, and women are especially susceptible to it.

#34: A girl pretending to be a boy is also hiding an above average bust.

#7

I feel like the modern tsundere is more bipolar than narcissistic.

#8

#35: Christian churches are used mostly for dark rituals, magic and deviant sex. Barely anyone just worships.

#36: The protagonist’s dreams are always meaningful and plot-centric.

#37: Childhood friends never forget promises to marry them.

#38: Most men can cook, but women are always surprised when they find out about it.

#9

Ya know, until you just mentioned it, I forgot to realize that of the three major “dere” traits, “tsun” has undergone the most errosion and/or evolution over time. I suppose it’s not as clear cut as “yan” and “kuu” anymore. :expressionless:

#39: The average male ejaculates at least 1 pint of semen per shot.

#40: 99.9% of Americans have blonde hair and blue eyes. The remaining 0.1% are African American. There are no other kinds.

#41: Every school contains at least one girl who is half-Japanese and half-Occidental.

#42: Female class representatives are typically strict minded and bookworm-ish.

#43: Most female student council presidents are beautiful and exhibit (or actually are) high class.

#44: Skin tight bloomers were never phased out as female gym clothes.

#45: Emotional artificial intelligence and lifelike robotic bodies were achieved decades ago.

#10

#46: Only four languages exist: Japanese, Chinese, English, and German.

#47: All westerners speak english badly, even if it’s their native tongue.

#48: Traps are so convincing in their girlish looks even straight men will do them.

#49: Matriarchal societies are doomed to be taken over by a man.

#50: Female vampires always prefer jizz over blood.

#51: Aphrodisiacs extremely effective are more commonly available than cold medicine.

#11

Parfait averted this in one scene and it was absolutely hilarious (gaijin comes into the cafe and wants to order some food. nobody can understand her. cue everyone trying their best (terrible) English to try and talk to her.) I must say, I seriously appreciate it when eroge companies go to the extra effort to actually hire a native English (or whatever other language) speaker to voice stuff like that because it really shows.

Probably at the same time we invented denpa girls who probably wouldn’t pass the Turing test.

#12

#39a: Which has the appearance and consistency of mayonnaise.

#13

#52: To create an unstoppable military unit, have all the personnel consist entirely of women… except the unit’s commanding officer, who should be it’s only male.

#53: There’s no such thing as a “magic boy” – unless he’s a trap or sex changes during transformation.

#54: Females of a super sentai force will always be separated from the rest of her team. Then brutally raped. Afterwards she will join the forces of evil and enslave/slaughter the rest of her former team mates.

#55: High schools come in two versions: a mundane set of rectangular buildings, or a massive campus the size of a small country.

#56: There’s an after school program for everything you can imagine. EVERYTHING.

#57: Everyone’s wardrobe will consist of no more than five sets of clothing. People wear the same outfit over and over again for everyday purposes.

#58: People from India only eat curry.

#59: People from America only eat hamburgers.

#60: No matter how brutal or messy her act of murder or vandalism is, a yandere never leaves criminal evidence that implicates her of it.

#61: Most train rapists die by getting shoved in the path of a moving train.

#62: No one buys a bra to stop bouncing.

#63: Rape is the best form of blackmail.

#64: No matter how unbelievably powerful a woman is, sexual intercourse (or lack of it) will make her weaker than a declawed newborn kitten without teeth.

#65: It snows EVERY winter, most often around Christmas.

#14

#66: If the student council president is male, then the student council is probably a front for a sexual slavery ring.

#67: Any female human/animal hybrid is doable, regardless of what the latter species is.

#68: There are only two types of goddesses: the kind with an encyclopedic knowledge of sex or an innocent virgin.

#15

#69: If you are captured by the protagonist’s military force, you may be recruited to fight for them. This is, of course, assuming you are female. If you are male you’re going to die.

#16

#70: If you’re a male with long flowing hair, an effeminate face, and exceptionally skilled at whatever hobbies or jobs you purse – you are either a villain or someone’s hated rival.

#71: Even if a woman has incredible regenerative powers that heal dire wounds or missing limbs (like a vampire), she will never be able to regenerate her hymen after it’s been torn for the first time.

#72: Huge breasts defy gravity and will never experience sagging.

#73: There’s no such thing as a faithful wife.

#74: Most girls lose their virginity to one of the following, before graduating high school: serial rapist, school teacher, male childhood friend, tentacle creature, male sibling, or an almost total stranger who saved them from some psychological issue and/or rampaging threat.

#75: Sigmund Freud was right: boys DO want sex with their mothers.

#76: Mothers find more sexual satisfaction from their sons, than their husband.

#17

Oh, come on.

#18

– should be villainously pursuing the female MC and bending her to your will, wearing down her resistance with your immense sexiness until she will happily betray her entire kingdom for you.

…

… What? Why are you looking at me like that? I HAVE NEEDS

#19

77: All girls look at porno mags for research.

78: In tentacle rape beast broods, only 1 out of 1,000,000 born are female.

#20

There are exceptions to the rule. I can’t get over how many evil bishonen are out there. :roll:

There are even doujin for this guy. I know you’ve seen em. Not to mention how many twin brothers he has, roaming around in various games.

Now we know your weakness… or at least, what to put under the stick-and-basket trap. :wink: