The Story Writers Oughta be Shot (Spoilers)

Visual Novel Community Archive, 2000-2009
#61

Don’t get me wrong… I wasn’t necessarily accusing it of being a “cheap” plot device–just a common one. Everyone will have to judge how it fits into a story based on their own opinions, of course.

SPOILER WARNING

Personally, I usually don’t have a problem with the brother/sister affair plots, simply because it always turns out that there is, in fact, no blood relationship between the two–which, in my opinion, is the only rational argument against incest (the genetic factor). In the case of Taka and Kana, there were simply too many things that bound them together: Taka had developed a sense of protectiveness and caring that was almost bound to develop into something, and Kana had a dependence upon Taka (which could be argued was unhealthy from a relationship point of view, and ergo a good reason for her to leave in ending 1), which also turned into feelings of love. From a story writing point of view, these were solid progressions that were well played. I won’t judge them, except to repeat that I, personally don’t have a problem with their relationship, simply because–in my mind–aside from the legal formality of a piece of paper saying that the Todo family had guardianship over Kana, there was nothing else between Taka and Kana except a lot of shared experience that they nurtured into something greater. However, I’m willing to accept that not everyone will perceive things so openly… that’s their decision, and I don’t expect them to change their veiws. From a technical standpoint, even Taka and Kana wrestled with the “rightness” and “wrongness” of the situation (so did Ryo and Ayume, to some degree, in Crescendo, although they had other, larger issues that were weighing on their consciences).

END OF SPOILERS

By the way, for the record, my English adaptation of the lyrics for The White Season is finished (except for maybe some last minute tweaking)… I’m pretty happy with it for the most part, although I’m not sure what to do with the thing now…

[This message has been edited by Wolfson (edited 07-12-2004).]

#62

SPOILER WARNING

Was watching the news tonight when a horrible thought for a sequel occurred to me - what if Kana got AIDS? shudder

Of course, it’d be pretty rare in this day and age for any patient to contract AIDS by accident… but accidents do happen. I’m not saying I like this idea, but it does seem suitably tragic…

END SPOILERS

I’ve read your lyrics, Wolfson - congratulations! You did a great job. I particularly like the extension about the wind ‘moving time so fast, and yet the time is standing so still’.

Also the line: ‘something starts to change as the seasons turn around, and fruit upon the trees all starts to bloom’. Gorgeous. =)

Of course, I wouldn’t be a writer/editor if I didn’t want to stick my thumb in and/or add my two cents. I’ve emailed you some suggestions. Once again, great work. If you want, I’ll post your lyrics up on my website, and you could send them to the owner of the ‘Kana’s Left Kidney’ fansite. I’m sure he’d be more than pleased to post them up as well!

#63

SPOILER WARNING

I hate to say it but after the last game I think both her getting AIDS and/or another chance of her dying from sickness, might come across as trite. Now if they tied her choice to die or doing something risky which lead to such a sickness into her feeling betrayed which could sort of make it a double tradegy then it might not seem trite, but to me anyway another, she is dying from (fill in the blank) wouldn’t work without adding something else such as the betrayal of Taka to the plot. Just my thinking.

END OF SPOILER WARNING

#64
quote:
Originally posted by Darkling:
I've read your lyrics, Wolfson - congratulations! You did a great job. I particularly like the extension about the wind 'moving time so fast, and yet the time is standing so still'.

Also the line: 'something starts to change as the seasons turn around, and fruit upon the trees all starts to bloom'. Gorgeous. =)

Of course, I wouldn't be a writer/editor if I didn't want to stick my thumb in and/or add my two cents. I've emailed you some suggestions. Once again, great work. If you want, I'll post your lyrics up on my website, and you could send them to the owner of the 'Kana's Left Kidney' fansite. I'm sure he'd be more than pleased to post them up as well!

Thanks... the tough part was trying to keep as close to the original Japanese context while still making it scan in English, and coming up with a plausible rhyme scheme. Some of the Japanese lines were a little tough to decifer from their English context--for example, the "fruit" line was: "When the fruit of the tree pop, something will begin to change." I'm looking at your suggestions and will e-mail you back... I've already decided to take some of them, although I'll probably stick to my guns in a couple of cases, but I'll explain those in e-mail. And a couple of the lines, I think I'll just comprimise on [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/wink.gif[/img] Thanks for your input... and you're welcome to put the finished product on your website (just make sure you credit the Japanese writers, too), and I'll see about contacting "Kana's Left Kidney"... I read his website, but I'm a little shy about that sort of thing (pretty funny for a professional musician, I guess, but that's what I needed agents and managers for, I suppose [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/tongue.gif[/img] )

#65

For anyone who’s interested, I just wanted to announce that Wolfson’s English lyrics for The White Season are now online at:

http://www.alphalink.com.au/~mattlim/kana/lyrics.htm

And he did a pretty darn good job of it, too, if you want my opinion.

#66

The last chapter left me a bit confused. I thought this was going to be a continuation of ending 1, where Yumi was out of the picture and Kana and Taka were able to work out their problems. Looks like more angst ahead for everyone. Maybe “Return Your Love” should end with links to alternate chapters, “Taka plays the jerk” or “Taka comes to his senses”.

Just kidding… It’s your story, so do as you like. I’m still hoping for that love triumphs over all ending, though.

#67
quote:
Originally posted by perigee:
The last chapter left me a bit confused. I thought this was going to be a continuation of ending 1, where Yumi was out of the picture and Kana and Taka were able to work out their problems. Looks like more angst ahead for everyone. Maybe "Return Your Love" should end with links to alternate chapters, "Taka plays the jerk" or "Taka comes to his senses". [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/wink.gif[/img]

Just kidding... It's your story, so do as you like. I'm still hoping for that love triumphs over all ending, though. [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/smile.gif[/img]

[b]**POTENTIAL SPOILERS AHEAD**[/b]

Well, yes, this is one of those spots in the game where the screen would go blank and you'd be given some options: "I run to Kana"; "I stay by Yumi's side"; "I suggest a threesome".

(Sorry, the last one isn't going to happen.) [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/smile.gif[/img]

My fanfics are a continuation from Ending 1, yes, but I don't feel that Yumi actually got *closure* in that ending. She was sitting on the bench, and then suddenly she wasn't. Good vanishing act, but no sign that she was gone for good. That's not the Yumi we all know and, ahem, love (?).

[b]**END SPOILERS**[/b]

I have two chapters to go and, if it helps, I'm a hopeless romantic who's also rather attached to Kana, so you have a pretty good indication how it's going to end (for now) right there. [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/smile.gif[/img]

#68

That’s promising… you may get out of being shot yet

#69

looks faintly worried and goes shopping for Kevlar

#70

Trust me… nose tissue won’t help him if he breaks Kana’s heart

#71

In other words “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” right?

#72

indignantly I beg your pardon! I just plan to line him up with all the other story writers that ought to be shot

Actually, I suspect that the romantic in Darkling will win out in the end…

#73

is tempted to break Kana’s heart now, just to see how people react…

#74
quote:
Originally posted by Darkling:
*is tempted to break Kana's heart now, just to see how people react...* [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/smile.gif[/img]

* evil grin *
* draws the legendary Katana *

EDT:
Hey Spec! You gotta help me here to cut him into two halves with just one stroke from the head to the toes!
And please, bring some lemons with you!

HE WANTS TO HURT OUR LITTLE SISTER!!!

[This message has been edited by Unicorn (edited 07-20-2004).]

#75

I’m not sure I agree. Katanas are fine for slashing and beheading, but when it comes to full body cuts aren’t tachi still the best?

[This message has been edited by perigee (edited 07-20-2004).]

#76
quote:
Originally posted by perigee:
I'm not sure I agree. Katanas are fine for slashing and beheading, but when it comes to full body cuts aren't traditional samurai swords still the best? [img]http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/contrib/edoom/samurai.gif[/img]

You have a point there.

But I talked about the legandary Katana with a diamond-blade... [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/wink.gif[/img]

[This message has been edited by Unicorn (edited 07-20-2004).]

#77

Not that all the talk of tachi and katanas isn’t making me feel all warm and gooey (and runny) inside (and I don’t even want to wonder what the lemons are for…), but I just wanted to let all you lovely protective homicidal people know that I’ve written the next chapter and it should hopefully be online in two or three days, when I’ve had the chance to polish and HTML-ise it. (Yes, I make up verbs in my spare time.)

#78

I don’t know Katanas and Taichi’s are too sharp he won’t feel enough pain. I say beat him over the head giant iron mallet +1

#79

Now, now… let’s not be hasty… we have to let him finish the story, and then decide whether he needs to be summarily dealt with. But we may want to tie him in place so that he won’t start running between the time he puts the last chapter up and it resolves itself… anybody got a length of rope?

#80

LOL, no, no… we fanfic writers need to be able to run free, free like the wind! (Usually to keep well clear of irate fans, admittedly, but it’s also good exercise.)

Besides which, I’m fairly sure Kana fans won’t be too distressed by the way the story wraps up.

But I’ll be faxing it in from somewhere in Siberia, just to be safe…