I understand exactly where you’re coming from in this regard. There were a few things that helped me get over the same issues (for the most part). First, I didn’t go straight in to a college or university. When I did finally go to a college (something that only happened last year), it was in to a community college, which in my experience tends to have much less jock culture. Another thing that helped me with this issue (and many others, including my extreme introversion) was getting in to a really good martial arts program.
… buh? You expected something ‘more’ than the actual truth? (Now, I admit that my answer wasn’t at all helpful to your individual problem, I was answering the thread title and original subject.)
I assume you at least know I’m female, if you’ve paid any attention to my posting for the past however many years I’ve been around here… I will also draw your attention to the wikipedia entry on polyamory.
Why do I mention all this? Mostly as an example of the simple information that PEOPLE ARE WEIRD. Lots of people. In lots of different ways. People have weird shit going on that you don’t know about. If they look perfectly normal, they may be perfectly normal, or they may be secretly fetishists into things you couldn’t even imagine, or they may be political plotters up to no good. They may have all sorts of problems of their own to deal with. They may actually be ideal friends or partners for you. You really can’t tell without getting to know them better. It’s easy to be totally intimidated by people who seem to ‘fit in’ more than you do… people who seem to ‘have it all’. But very few people actually do have it all, and a lot of people are more than they seem.
I know the feeling, and I bear grudges against a lot of ‘types’ of people from my own childhood resentment, but at the same time, while a bit of grudge/wariness is fair, hatred is bad for you AND also unfair. There are a few sensitive jocks in the world, oddly enough. There are geeks who also enjoy watching sports. Interest in sport is certainly a huge warning signal in my book that I probably won’t get along with someone (like devotion to mainstream religion) but it’s not a certainty.
If you honestly have nothing in common with this girl and can’t possibly get along, then talking to her and getting totally shot down, miserable as it will be, is a much easier way to get her out of your system than hypnosis, probably. 
Although I know it’s not quite that easy, I have my own flavors of social phobias. (I get paranoid of reading my own email sometimes in case someone’s yelling at me in it. And getting me to use the phone and call someone is like pulling teeth.)
On the other hand, I had a roommate in university who was this gorgeous blond girl who partied with normal people, went to sports, did martial arts, and also hung out with me and my then-boyfriend to watch Star Trek. You never can tell.
I don’t think hypnosis would be that helpful, I think you need more introspection. Find out the reasons why this makes you feel depressed and uncomfortable, and most importantly based on this knowledge do what’s necessary to change your current situation.
Because being “average” and not having (or assuming you don’t have) a common interest is not something that should stop you from approaching any girl, so you need to look deeper
If you don’t feel this is something you can do by yourself seek psychological counseling; and no, not only crazy people go to a psychologist and it can be extremely helpful
You know, I have a feeling you might get along well with my friend from Greece who lives in the London area…
I suppose I sort of fall in to this category. I like to sometimes watch various sports (often when a home team is in some sort of final), but what really gets me going is the Olympics (summer and winter).
Wow, I never thought I’d meet someone on here with a similar problem. I also often don’t like to pick up the phone when it rings unless I’m certain who is on the other end (and, of course, I want to talk to them).
Same problem here.
I don’t like sport either. It looks like almost every man in the Netherlands likes football (soccer for the Americans). I don’t.
I’m glad my father in law hates it too. :mrgreen:
Well email reading never scares me but I also hate too call people on the phone . sorry if i overreacted but taking six lasses at once will do that too you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMCGl8ac … re=related
I forgot this song …I think I heard it in high school and it helped me then with asimilar problem . Nihilism and bitterness make for great meds …I have become comfortably numb.
Kudos if you caught the reference.
sorry to bump oldness but I thought I should tell the members of since many contributed in hopes of a solution . I had to have an inital psychiatric screening at school while slightly related to this problem . I was hoping for meds but it looks like Im going to have to go to group therapy. 
:?
Nothing wrong with group therapy. It can be a wonderful tool, and it feels good to relate to people with similar problems. On the other hand, in group therapy you probably won’t be as open as one on one with a therapist since there are more people to worry about keeping confidentiality.
Group therapy???
Because you’re in love and you don’t want to??
I think there is more to it than that.
I agree, in my opinion meds do nothing but mask and supress the problem.
It does not deal with the underlying issues which is where the focus should concentrate on.
I hope Lurker accomplishes that with group therapy. You should consider taking an intro to psychology type course (if you haven’t done so already).
I think it will help provide…, some type of insight or enlightenment with your issues (well it did with me).
I wish you the best, and good luck.
Meds do have their place, though it is true that they are over-proscribed. If you ever do start on the road of psychiatric medications though, it is crucial that you find the right one(s) for you. Unfortunately, it can sometimes take many years to find the right combination (something I’ve experienced first-hand). Even if you do end up taking something, it is crucial to continue therapy. As for myself, I’m stable enough now that I am down to a visit every six months.
He “had” to have an “inital psychiatric screening” which was “slightly related to [the unrequited love thing]”. I think it’s safe to conclude a) there’s more, and b) he doesn’t want to talk about it, but c) he wants to talk about it anyway.
If he wants to share more, then he will. Remember, what we do here IS basically “in public”, even though in practice it’s essentially private.
Which is exactly why I haven’t elaborated on my own issues.
Welol I know hell of a long time since an update in this thread but I figure I owe an update for help in this forum. Well the group knid of fell apart not enough members. Anyways on to girl from before. I knid of just accepted I would never be able to make the jump and that looks alone dont make agood relationship(two things I learned from previous experience. ) I saw her in chance encounters and finally though uncomfortable forced myself to talk . The first conversation we had was about three hours and was really great . afetr that it just kind of sloly went down hill. She whilst studying would spend almost the entire time texting now I know this might be irrational but I always felt like I was being athird wheel sort of . I also learned that she was a Christian yet had a history of alcohol abuse starting in high scvhookl [though her reasoning was she enjoyed being tipsy] nothing to end a freindship even though at times it felt slightly strained. I spent some time with her on amonday. On tuesday I was in the basement . I was working and everything and she left with some friends/acquaintances to go to an all night dining commons. later I wanted to talk to her or ask something cant exactly remember wich right now. Anyways I knocked two or three times and she didnt answer her light was on so I was 95% sure she was ther . I opened her door Not in a burst wide opwen manner. She said I cant talk right now. It was kind of awkward so I left. On Wednesday I had a conversation with a friend that left me really irritated that night . I have insomnia anyways so I went up to the second floor to pace [helps me relax/pass time] . I saw arandom girl in the hall and thought nothing of it.On thursday I was working in the basement . There were kids who appeared to be trying out for stomp or something… She came down to work. After a brief snippet about the ISS. I asked her if she had resolved whatever issue she had tuesday. She stated that it made her really mad when I opened her door. So she then proceeded to tell me it didnt matter why not to do it again. Then she said a girl saw me onher hall late at night . I offered some sort of expklanation about a friend. The truith was I was ashamed and felt guilty and the subtle stalker implication didnt please me at all. She then declared to other friends it was too loud in the basement -it really was. i went home over the weekend and thought it over . i didnt want some sort of rift to form that coudnt be fixed. On sunday when i came back . is ent her a message of apology on facebook. I thougbt it wasnt perhaps what i intended to say so I decided I shoukd apologize in person. I tried that night and for three more after it.On monday afuternoon I saw a message on my homepage saying her computer crashed . I decided I would ask my friend to see if he could fix it seeing as how hes a phd studne t and has a mac. I raced back at the break between shows in anime club. I asked about three people if they knew where she wwasand they said no. I tried to talk to her over the next three days but was completly stonewalled. On wednesday night I was watching southpark with a freind. I went back nto my dorm to get apizza coupon. On my wa y out she asked if she coulsd talk to me I said yes. I had an uneasy feeling the as we wne tto the conference room compunded by rthe fact the GR[graduate resident] wa ther she basically said she was no longer interested in being my frined[actually those were her exact words] and not to contact her again. the gr said If I had anything to say. All I could do [ I think I might have been in shock] was ask what was inappropriate and meekly try to explain about said friend. she sayd it was inappropriate. i saaid understood the Gr then threatened judcicial action if I didnt stop.i left . I later related this story to the therapist. He said wow and said he did t think opening the door was that strange. I mstill not sure but I just wanted you guys opinion. also her door wasnt locked . I think know My breach of manners was one in response to her original breach. Still getting med screened for real in january at last. -hope to get white washed.
I’m glad to hear that you at least made the attempt to get to know her. As for the incident where you knocked and then entered, you probably should have just let it be and left even if you were sure she was in there. It may not be strange to open the door, but you have no idea of what she could be doing in there. As for being considered a stalker, I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I won’t go in to details without taking the discussion to PM, but I will say that a big deal was made out of a couple of small incidents. On a separate note, however, her alcohol abuse is a bit of a danger sign, at least to me.
Well… you know Narg has nothing constructive to offer, if only because sooner or later it will revert into either (a) S&M or (b) twincest. 
That being said, you guys and gals ever read the “advice” found on various sites, about dating in other countries than your own? Sometimes it can be fun… although there’s often more truth to the sterotypes than some natives would like to admit. :lol:
Fun reading.
An interesting brief bit of reading Narg. (I read the bit on Japan and the US.) I wonder though, what kind of reaction I would receive in Japan given that I’m sansei, resulting in me being a quarter instead of “haafu”. According to my mother, the quarter of my ancestry is most apparent with my glasses off (making me partly resemble the picture I have of my great grandfather who was in the Dai-Nippon Teikoku Rikugun), while the other three quarters of my ancestry are readily apparent because of the red that appears in my goatee (but on no other location I have hair).
Ah I did send one.
Lurker— from what you have told us, it sounds like she’s the one with issues. You need to be extra careful though— it is extremely easy to get slammed for stalking when you are not doing anything of the sort, but have common areas you both are in due to school or work. Sounds like you are best off forgetting she exists and getting on with more important or more fun things. Seriously.
We should also compare it with the advices you usualy receive on 4chan. :lol:
Lurker : be happy, you had the guts to start a conversation with her. unfortunately, the girl is not all the time what you hoped for so don’t worry and just be patient. you’ll find someone better next time.