quote:
Originally posted by ladyphoenix:
what do you mean i can stand to lose a few pounds???? you have never even seen me!!! grrrr, you never say stuff like that about a woman's weight!!!
*raises eyebrows*
Obviously you don't know me very well. You are correct that I wouldn't say that because I've never seen you. But I've never been a big fan of telling people what they want to hear. If I thought you needed to lose a few pounds I'd say so.
OH MY GOD…
This thread is still active…
As my memory serves me this thread was around before my long period of absence. What have you guys started talking about now?
quote:
Originally posted by ladyphoenix:
you have never even seen me!!!
Now that you mention it, how about a picture of yourself? ^_^
my picture will be forthcoming, once lamuness finishes the anime bishoujo picture of me he is drawing…but it has been delayed a bit because of his trip to japan, so my picture being posted is also delayed…sorry guys!
quote:
Originally posted by Absurdist:
As my memory serves me this thread was around before my long period of absence. What have you guys started talking about now?
Sorry, that would be cheating. You'll just have to read and absorb the insanity yourself... [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/biggrin.gif[/img]
quote:
Originally posted by ladyphoenix:
my picture will be forthcoming, once lamuness finishes the anime bishoujo picture of me he is drawing...but it has been delayed a bit because of his trip to japan, so my picture being posted is also delayed...sorry guys!
[/b]--- <-- halo
0 <-- head
OOOOOOOOOO <--- dancing lemons
- - <--- Feet
quote:
Originally posted by Unicorn:
Could you be a bit more specific about your favorite temperature?I think, Jean-Luc would be quite annoyed, if he gets his tea at a temperature near the boiling point... [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/tongue.gif[/img]
Too true, but that's how he always tells the food replicator about the temperature. He even orders it that way in a scene from the movie. He's probably orderd it so many times that the computer would have a set temperature for his "Hot" request.
quote:
Originally posted by ladyphoenix:
my picture will be forthcoming, once lamuness finishes the anime bishoujo picture of me he is drawing...but it has been delayed a bit because of his trip to japan, so my picture being posted is also delayed...sorry guys!
Well... I'm in no rush to see what you look like. Its not like you look anything like a troll. Then again anything is possible... But it doesn't really matter what you look like that counts. It is WHO you are, no matter the height, age, gender, race, or... weight... for that matter. So then it really shouldn't matter what I say to you, now does it? [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/wink.gif[/img]
quote:
Originally posted by ekylo:
*blinks*
I'm not even sure I want to know what brought this up. No, on second thought, I do. Otherwise the curiosity will kill me.
Well, what brought this up was my thoughts at 3am, my recent inability to give a good advice, and what's more, asking for advice to give to this person.
Now then, the story is as goes, picture your typical 23 years old male, carefree, he is just dating, nothing serious, he just wants to have some fun, but then.... he meets a woman, his age, cute, smart, a bit of poetry on her veins, and they both date each other for quite a few months, both of them and I hang out together a few times,4 times to be exact, they both date for a while, problem is, guy is just not... connecting with her,he likes her, some physical attraction is there, some feelings are there, but to him something is missing, and he decides to break up with her.
And that should be it, right?
Well, no, the girl is broken hearted and calls me, we've gotten along from the few times we've met, and I try to comfort her, but my words make little effect, this happened 3 times, I tell him about our encounters, but he just shrugs all of this, after all just made up with his ex-GF.
I don't hear from her after a bit, my friend and I hang out as usual.
And that should be it? right?
What I havent told you before is that she really fell in love with him, and she felt devastated after losing him, and she looked otherwise for comfort, for love...
She met an adequate guy (her exact words) wich was only to help her forget my friend ( also her words)
All is good so far, right? well...
she becomes pregnant of "adequate" guy, to her surprise, she recieves no support from her family, she is actually expelled from her house (gotta love her "traditional" parents) she goes to live with her sister, and spends her savings on having the baby, but meanwhile she informs adequate guy of her pregnancy, he says, that while he has no intention of marrying her, he will give his name to the kid and look for him economically.
Problem is adequate guy, dies at the seventh month of pregnacy, guy's family doesn't want to hear anything from her at all. She leaves that family for good.
Pregnancy problems arise, she is close to losing her baby, she barely makes it, the problem is the baby had some breathing problems while on the uterus, he stays on intensive care for a week, but he results with what seems to be some permanent brain damage.
*urghh*
Anyway, maybe the story was too long, but heck I had to tell the whole thing to get it out of my chest.
Now, as for the original question, the guy feels guilty about how he treated her, because, well, it was pretty shitty how he broke up with her,he feels guilty becuase his actions send her to adequate guy arms, wich I personally think is true.
As for the second point, he actually feels pity for her, broke, having to take her of her kid and his treatment, being alone.
And well, he wants to marry her, out of guilt and pity, he never had any real love for her and this is where I gave you that question, would you have a relationship out of guilt or pity?
And simply I think I'm the least apropiate person to give advice, given my current situation... but hey that's for another 3am post [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/tongue.gif[/img]
And I really want to give him some good advice, but I don't know what to say.
What is your view on all this?
[This message has been edited by Asutaru (edited 12-15-2002).]
My first thoughts are “you can’t give good advice and you come to us?” Then part of me beats up the smart-mouth part of me and then I think a bit…
Hmm, and I thought some of the situations my friends ask me about are difficult. My advice would be that if he cares for her, I mean cares, not feels pity or guilt for her, that he needs to be there for her and support her as best he can but he shouldn’t go full throttle into marriage because of it. If he doesn’t feel anything other than guilt or pity, then for the short term, yes it’ll aleve his guilt and help her out for now but in the long term, it won’t be good. More than likely, he’ll end up being resentful and he’ll end up just hurting her further. It’s a delicate situation and rushing into marriage would be the “bull/china shop” equivalent answer. I’ve yet to see any marriage work based on feelings of guilt or pity. If there were, my friend wouldn’t make all that money doing couples counseling all the time.
Beyond that, I don’t know what else to advise you on what to advise your friend. You know the players involved better than I do, and that gives you better insight than I have on what to say. But for now, you should get some sleep, think about what I and any of the others say, then go with your gut feeling on the best course of action. I just hope things work out, if not for the best, then at least for the good.
And yeah, you might as well let us know in another 3am post about your own current situation. You never know where inspiration or insight may come from. It just may come from a bunch of strange people on a rather odd electronic bulletin board.
[This message has been edited by ekylo (edited 12-15-2002).]
quote:
Originally posted by Absurdist:
OH MY GOD......This thread is still active........
As my memory serves me this thread was around before my long period of absence. What have you guys started talking about now?
Well, we talk about the thread itself every now and then. And I think it's more or less a permanent fixture of this board now. Pretty much every time it dies down someone comes along and revives it (sort of like you).
quote:
Originally posted by Asutaru:
Well, what brought this up was my thoughts at 3am, my recent inability to give a good advice, and what's more, asking for advice to give to this person.Now then, the story is as goes, picture your typical 23 years old male, carefree, he is just dating, nothing serious, he just wants to have some fun, but then.... he meets a woman, his age, cute, smart, a bit of poetry on her veins, and they both date each other for quite a few months, both of them and I hang out together a few times,4 times to be exact, they both date for a while, problem is, guy is just not... connecting with her,he likes her, some physical attraction is there, some feelings are there, but to him something is missing, and he decides to break up with her.
And that should be it, right?
Well, no, the girl is broken hearted and calls me, we've gotten along from the few times we've met, and I try to comfort her, but my words make little effect, this happened 3 times, I tell him about our encounters, but he just shrugs all of this, after all just made up with his ex-GF.I don't hear from her after a bit, my friend and I hang out as usual.
And that should be it? right?
What I havent told you before is that she really fell in love with him, and she felt devastated after losing him, and she looked otherwise for comfort, for love...
She met an adequate guy (her exact words) wich was only to help her forget my friend ( also her words)
All is good so far, right? well...
she becomes pregnant of "adequate" guy, to her surprise, she recieves no support from her family, she is actually expelled from her house (gotta love her "traditional" parents) she goes to live with her sister, and spends her savings on having the baby, but meanwhile she informs adequate guy of her pregnancy, he says, that while he has no intention of marrying her, he will give his name to the kid and look for him economically.Problem is adequate guy, dies at the seventh month of pregnacy, guy's family doesn't want to hear anything from her at all. She leaves that family for good.
Pregnancy problems arise, she is close to losing her baby, she barely makes it, the problem is the baby had some breathing problems while on the uterus, he stays on intensive care for a week, but he results with what seems to be some permanent brain damage.
*urghh*
Anyway, maybe the story was too long, but heck I had to tell the whole thing to get it out of my chest.Now, as for the original question, the guy feels guilty about how he treated her, because, well, it was pretty shitty how he broke up with her,he feels guilty becuase his actions send her to adequate guy arms, wich I personally think is true.
As for the second point, he actually feels pity for her, broke, having to take her of her kid and his treatment, being alone.
And well, he wants to marry her, out of guilt and pity, he never had any real love for her and this is where I gave you that question, would you have a relationship out of guilt or pity?
And simply I think I'm the least apropiate person to give advice, given my current situation... but hey that's for another 3am post [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/tongue.gif[/img]
And I really want to give him some good advice, but I don't know what to say.
What is your view on all this?
[This message has been edited by Asutaru (edited 12-15-2002).]
One sentence answer: The entire situation is completely FUBAR.
Of course, this is true. The situation IS messed up. This is also a useless answer, because it doesn't answer the question, so I shall try to pound something out.
There are many issues here, and many of them are more or less irrelevant or only tangentially relevant. I'll have to simplify this down before I can make up my mind here.
Exactly how she wound up with the kid isn't his problem. It's not his child. If he feels like it is his responsibility she had the kid, then fine; but she IS responsible for her own actions. She could have easily avoided becoming pregnant (birth control). She could have opted for an abortion. She could give the child up for adoption (although that is not the best option for the child).
That she chose to enter the relationship with the adequate man was her decision, not his, and if it was a bad one then it was her bad decision. It is true that it most likely would not have been made had he not broken up with her, but he could not reasonably have foreseen this convoluted sequence of consequences. In fact breaking up with her in the first place was probably a foolish act, but it was sort of well intentioned in an odd way.
If he feels like he wants to help her out, then he should examine real hard whether it is because he feels guilty about it, or whether it is because he likes her enough that seeing her in trouble makes him want to help. If it is the latter, then I would say he does like her, he just doesn't know it, and entering a relationship for that reason is fine. If he just feels guilty, then I would advise against it. Guilt can eventually turn to resentment, especially if he really does feel no strong attachment to her, and that would be A Bad Thing.
There is one other dimension to this: what does she want? Would she want to be with him, knowing he doesn't love her? If she doesn't care whether he loves her or not, and she just wants to be with him...then it's just not as big a deal as if she abhorred the thought of being dealt with that way.
And finally, he does NOT have to marry her if all he wants to do is help her out and support the kid. That is NOT the only option here. He can come by on the weekends, for instance, and give her money. He can hire someone to take care of the child while she works. There are many options that don't involve actually marrying her.
...I suppose what I have to say is, he should think about whether or not he really does like her. I don't know any of the people involved here but it sounds to me like maybe he does like her, but just didn't give it enough time. If there wasn't that "spark", if he felt like something was missing...maybe it just needed more time. And this might be a good chance to find out. Falling in love with someone is, at least to me, knowing someone so well that they are (more or less) a part of you. It does NOT just *happen*. Anyone who thinks it does isn't talking about real love.
Of course I have never been in a relationship with anyone, and I have never wanted to be in a relationship with anyone, and so I have no idea what I'm talking about. But you said you didn't either, so here's my two bucks (I wrote a bit much for it to be my two cents).
quote:
Originally posted by Nandemonai:
One sentence answer: The entire situation is completely FUBAR.
Disclaimer: I am not responsible of anything mentioned here.
BTW, is this real or somebody has been watching too much soap operas?
Agreed, this is way to FUBAR. Hmmm... How about mass suicide, so that they can be nominated for the Darwin Awards?
OK, I know that's harsh, but let's face a harsh reality. All of them (the baby, she and he) are on a loss-loss situation.
The only thing I can come up with is to ask himself (that guy, that is) how does he feel about her? Does he feel guilty? Go ahead make up with her. Doesn't feel guilty? Walk away. (Preferably far, far away. I have heard that Brazil has a nice weather this time of the year...)
quote:
Originally posted by Nandemonai:
One sentence answer: The entire situation is completely FUBAR.
Hmm... well I can sum up the entire situation with the human male, human female, and the adequate.., in one word: Baka...
Enough said...
[This message has been edited by Soul Dragon (edited 12-15-2002).]
Thanks guys, now I have a clearer view of what to do, I’m crashing,err going to his company christmas party this friday, and I have a pretty good idea of what to thell him.
quote:
Originally posted by ekylo:And yeah, you might as well let us know in another 3am post about your own current situation. You never know where inspiration or insight may come from. It just may come from a bunch of strange people on a rather odd electronic bulletin board.
Hehe, I just might thankfully my situation is far easier to solve.
[This message has been edited by Asutaru (edited 12-15-2002).]
You know, it just occurred to me that over a twentieth of all posts to this portion of the BBS have been to this thread.
Go us! Yay!
wow, and i thought my situation with brian was complicated now i know better
quote:
Originally posted by Nandemonai:
You know, it just occurred to me that over a twentieth of all posts to this portion of the BBS have been to this thread.Go us! Yay!
Hmm, I guess that should indicate something about us. Exactly what it indicates is beyond me though. [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/tongue.gif[/img]
I suppose, this thread is the right one for this:
I wish you all a merry christmas and a happy new year.
See you all again around here, next year!
[This message has been edited by Unicorn (edited 12-19-2002).]
quote:
Originally posted by Unicorn:
I suppose, this thread is the right one for this:I wish you all a merry christmas and a happy new year.
See you all again around here, next year![This message has been edited by Unicorn (edited 12-19-2002).]
See you, Unicorn! [img]http://princess.cybrmall.net/ubb/smile.gif[/img]